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According to several major surveys, only 25 percent of women always climax when having sex with a partner. The rest of women either sometimes do, or never orgasm during intercourse at all, while 90 percent of men easily orgasm 100 percent of the time. No wonder men love sex! Why is there such a big difference? Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., a biology professor at Indiana University, states in her book The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution, : "The clitoris has the indispensable function of promoting sexual excitement, which induces the female to have intercourse and become pregnant. But the actual incidence of the reflex of orgasm has never been tied to successful reproduction." Translation: Because women can and do get pregnant without climaxing, scientists can't figure out why women orgasm at all. However, most scientists do agree on the how. What they know is that knowledge can help the average girl hit her peak more often.
A woman's most powerful sex organ lies just between her ears. If a woman can put aside all fear, guilt, stress and a host of other distracting thoughts and concentrate on the feeling of sex rather than any thinking, she is bound to be successful in her quest for orgasm. It is suggested the taking breaks to pleasure each other, manually and orally, is a great way to ward off any lingering diversions and to coax one or more orgasms.
There is warm, unique rush women feel during foreplay that results in blood heading straight to their vaginas and clitorises. The walls of the vagina start to swell and secrete these beads of lubrication that slowly gets bigger and eventually start to flow together. Like a man, , blood continues to flood the pelvic area as a woman becomes more turned on. The breathing speeds up, the heart rate increases, and the nipples become erect. The lower part of the vagina narrows to hold the penis while the upper part expands to give the penis someplace to go. Eventually nerve and muscle tension become intense in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks, and thighs. When enough tension builds the body will involuntarily releases all the tension at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves, aka female orgasm.
During Female orgasm, the uterus, vagina, and anus will contract simultaneously at 0.8-second intervals. During a small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; where as a biggie there could ten to fifteen. Everybody is different. Many women report feeling different types of orgasms — clitoral, vaginal, and/ or combinations of the two. It has been found that muscles in other parts of the body may contract involuntarily making women clench their toes or make goofy faces. As for the brain, a recent small-scale study at the Netherlands' University of Groningen found that areas involving fear and emotion are actually deactivated during orgasm. No wonder some of us turn to sex instead of a therapist. The body usually goes into a state of satisfied relaxation.
Women, like their male counterparts, can experience pelvic heaviness and aching if they do not reach orgasm leaving them with form of "blue balls. Like the male version, it's harmless.
Betty Dodson’s descriptions of orgasm which she outlines in her excellent book Orgasms for Two come from over 30 years of teaching women to orgasm, and her own orgasmic experience, which may be unparalleled. Her descriptions of orgasm are guided by her own biases, which favors genital stimulation, and while she discounts the experience of some women, these descriptions offer a great starting point to discuss the multitude of ways men and women can experience orgasm. Below is a summary of some of her orgasm types, with additional comments.
Types of Orgasms:
Pressure orgasms. Dodson ties these to early childhood experiences rocking back and forth or masturbating by squeezing your legs together. This orgasm comes from indirect stimulation, no rubbing, but instead applying pressure (by leaning heavily against or on something). As children we may engage in this kind of self soothing and sex stimulating behavior even if it doesn’t result in an orgasm the way we think of them as adults. A study published in the journal Pediatrics in 2005 took note of this very common form of self-stimulation, particularly in young girls. Some adults may bring this behavior into their sex lives and have orgasms from it.
Tension orgasms. This is the orgasm that comes from direct and intense stimulation usually while you are holding your body and muscles tight and tense, and holding your breath. Dodson considers tension orgasms the most common, favored because they are quick and dirty. She also calls them “peak orgasms” as they offer an intense build up followed by a sudden release. Tension orgasms could be our default because of early sexual experiences, which are often secretive and quick. It’s often been suggested that for men, premature ejaculation is a result of learning early on how to get aroused and orgasm quickly. For women too, early experiences can influence later ones, and Dodson encourages people to try to experience more orgasms beyond these, even if they do do the trick.
Relaxation orgasms. Dodson describes this type of orgasm as coming not from a build up of tension, but from deep relaxation during sexual stimulation, where you continue to release tension and relax your muscles and eventually the orgasm sneaks up on you. As opposed to the “peak orgasm” Dodson cites Shree Rajneesh, a Tantric sex master and author of Tantra, Spirituality and Sex , who refers to these kinds of orgasms as “valley orgasms”.
Combination or blended orgasms.Ideally orgasm is a fluid process (no pun intended) and if sex play lasts long enough you’ll get to enjoy more than one experience during orgasm, which we can call a combination orgasm. For Dodson, who has been teaching women to orgasm for over 30 years, combination orgasms involve a specific set of actions, including: “clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, PC muscle contractions, pelvic thrusting, and breathing out loud.” One could broaden this definition to include orgasms that offer a variety of experiences and opportunity for you to pay attention to the different waves of orgasmic feelings.
Clitoral stimulation. Most women require stimulation of the clitoris and labia (the inner lips surrounding the clitoris) during sex to reach orgasm. Prolonged clitoral touch with a gentle, patient hand is, for many, the key to sexual ecstasy. Use sounds and positive words to guide your lover, showing your partner how to stroke you just so.
The sacred spot. The mythic Grafenberg Spot (G-spot) is referred to in Tantra as the "sacred spot." This potent and mysterious erogenous zone is located about two to three inches up on the front side of the vaginal channel. When aroused, a man should slip his ring finger into the woman’s vagina allowing his fingertip to brush against the inner wall. The G-spot is between the size of a pea and a quarter with a slightly rippled texture. For some women, though not for all, gentle stimulation can induce powerful orgasms and even female ejaculate. However, take care not to over-stimulate this sensitive spot.
The g spot debate is far from over, and while Dodson doesn’t discount them, she favors clitoral stimulation at least being in the mix, and offers a wary attitude to those who argue for orgasms that come from penetration alone. Nonetheless, many women report orgasms that come from g spot stimulation being fundamentally different from orgasms that come from other kinds of stimulation, and given the number of women who have written and talked about it, they certainly deserve a place in the orgasm encyclopedia.
Fantasy orgasms-there have been several studies and years of anecdotal reports by women who have orgasms without any physical contact, and from mental fantasy alone. There is a tendency by many to see orgasms from fantasy as being less than other kinds of orgasms, but this attitude seems to come mostly from rigid thinking about the right and wrong way to orgasm, and less from people’s personal experiences.
Multiple orgasms. While female multiple orgasms are more often talked about, both men and women are capable of having multiple orgasms. Dodson distinguishes between multiple orgasms and the “aftershocks of pleasure” that follow a big orgasm, which some people might call orgasms, and which allows them to count 20 or 30 orgasms a night. One of the pitfalls of multiple orgasms is the trap of waiting for them and having anxiety about whether or not you’ll have them. Do either of these things and your attention will be taken away from the pleasure you’re feeling, which is a waste of an orgasm whatever number it comes in.
Big "O" Blockers
So what goes wrong on those nights when a woman cannot seem to orgasm."Nine times out of 10 it's because the woman isn't getting enough continuous clitoral stimulation," Dr. Kerner says. Often, "A woman will get close to orgasm, her partner picks up on it, and [then he either] orgasms immediately or changes what he was doing."
That's why Dr. Kerner frequently recommends the woman-on-top position. Because you control the angle and speed of the thrusts (try a back-and-forth motion so that your clitoris rubs against your partner's abdomen), it allows for the most constant clitoral stimulation.
Another solution is to find a position that mimics how you masturbate. If you have masturbate by lying on your belly and rubbing your clitoris with your hands tucked beneath you, then you should have your man can enter you from behind in that position. Letting a man watch you masturbate in your favorite position is helpful because by watching you he'll also get a better sense of the stimulation you need.
Many women get caught up in how the look. "It's when a woman is too concerned with her appearance and/or performance to actually enjoy herself," Dr. Kerner says. There's no way you're going to have an orgasm if you're fretting about your cellulite or stressing over whether your newest as-seen-on-late-night-cable moves feel good for him. Instead, you have to let the erotic sensations register in your mind. Focus. Breathe. Let go. "It may seem counterintuitive," he says, "but you need to relax to build sexual tension."
The best preparation for a big orgasm is probably a long, steamy shower, full-body massages by and for your man — or 10 minutes of steady oral sex, if you can get it. It's not so much your body that needs the R&R as your mind. "Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of everyday life and feeling sexual," Dr. Kerner says. "A few minutes of foreplay usually isn't enough." Doing something ritualistic and soothing that will clear your head of to-do lists, work issues, family problems, and whatever else might be distracting you from connecting with your body is essential to feeling ecstatic.
Read more: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/understand_the_female_orgasm/Follow_Her_Lead_Orgasm.php#ixzz1PsHF3xzV
Dodson, Betty. Orgasms for Two. New York: Harmony Books, 2002.